To my daughter

Dear Abigail, I have a million thoughts I would like to share with you but very limited time. I remember when I was small, my parents always used to say that I didn't really want to grow up but now I realize they got it wrong. It was them who didn't want me to grow up. So, please don't rush growing up, and in return, I will do my best to bring value to every hour of your childhood, teenage years, and adulthood. 

In your early years, my lessons will most likely go unheard, but that is ok. You will feel like you have more important things to do, and rightly so. Activities like disassembling your Lego train, putting it back together, riding your scooter while we beg you to be careful not to fall off and hit yourself, falling off from your scooter, and then laughing at our faces are all a lot more fun than listening to your old man talk.

The first piece of wisdom (if I can even call it that since it is coming from me) I would like to share with you is to always listen to more experienced (older) people's advice. At times it will feel like it is just a waste of your time, but there will always be a few gems of precious knowledge hidden in most wise people's words. Just listen to what they have to share and then spend some time thinking if they were right or wrong. Always question and never blindly trust, as people have their biases, and even if they have good intentions, their advice may be skewed. Even I, at the age of 34, am still listening to older people and always try to pull out precious knowledge from every conversation I have with other people. At times it is easy to find a conversation beneficial; at other times it is difficult or even impossible. Some people are genuine, very smart, and speak well without sprinkling too much bias on their words. Other people are very negative and superficial, with a ton of biases stacked on top of their thoughts. Just like everything else in life, we might not be able to do this in every conversation or with every person, but it is the state of mind I am trying to encourage you to immerse yourself into. 

Be mindful of the things that bring real happiness to your life and suppress your hunger for immediate short-term gratification that brings no ultimate value to you or people around you. As difficult as this might seem at times, believe me, it will bring true purpose in your life and will help you truly enjoy your day and be proud of yourself. Delayed gratification is in every successful (also known as truly happy) person's arsenal of tools that help them live a meaningful life and allow them to pass on their knowledge and experience to their loved ones.

Complaining is a fruitless and toxic activity that is contagious within groups of like-minded individuals. It is a rather one-sided activity that requires little to no brain power and has no true purpose in improving one's life. Some might argue that it takes weight off your shoulders, but I would argue it is a rather selfish way of releasing your stress. For one, the person on the other side of your words can only absorb without being able to provide any value, and secondly, the person or event you are discussing has no way of defending itself by showing you their point of view.

Constructive criticism, on the other hand, is a much more purposeful communication tool that not only helps people better understand what you mean but also provides a plan of action on how you think one can improve. It is directed at the person you are communicating with there and then. It does require more brain power, but it opens the gate for a more fruitful dialogue.

Try to never assume what other people are thinking about you or the world surrounding them, no matter how obvious their intentions might seem to you. The beauty of life is that there is no one set path that everybody needs to take in order to make it through. There are almost 8 billion people on our planet, and every single individual has taken a different route to where they are today. You, my love, were dealt a very bad hand early in your life and were born extremely prematurely (23 weeks and 2 days), but that did not stop you from going to be this extremely happy and very healthy baby you are today. This on its own makes you rather unique and will change the way you will view life as you grow older. Just like you, everybody is different, and we should always consider that people shape their opinions differently as they go through their days.

Look after your physical and mental health. They are strongly connected and exponentially improve your life if taken care of properly. Your physical health is easy to maintain and improve but requires strong willpower. There are four aspects to it: cardio, strength, flexibility, and last but certainly not least, nutrition. Pick a sport that you truly enjoy and see which system it focuses on. If you enjoy running or cycling (which is amazing for your cardiovascular health), you also need to do a bit of weight training and stretching to supplement it. If you pick bodybuilding, which I know you might initially find unusual for a girl (trust me, it is not and I highly recommend it), you will also need to work on your cardio and flexibility. Yoga is great for flexibility but in general lacks cardio and strength. Whatever discipline you pick, it will be half of your journey to a healthier body. The second half is nutrition. You will notice that as you focus on the sports you practice, your body will desire better quality fuel in order to boost its performance. 

Think long term. Mould the way you think around the concept of delayed gratification. We as humans are vulnerable to always seeking short-term pleasure while ignoring the long-lasting effects of the actions leading to them. We love alcohol, drugs, gambling, fast speeds, being rude to one another, always seeking fault in other people, and rarely putting ourselves in our people's shoes. This is easy to do and provides us with a dangerous and temporary solution to an acute problem. You, my darling, need to focus on coping with those temptations in order to find peace, clarity, and happiness for your long life ahead. For example, your mom and I are going through a rough part in our lives when we fight very often about simple things. Those fights grow arms and legs and most of the time stop making any sense after a certain point. Very often your mom (I think) is out of place, and the arguments she uses make no logical sense. I feel like standing up and walking out without ever looking back. Then I think about the long-term effects of my actions. How is this going to affect you? How is this going to affect me? Am I going to regret this decision for the rest of my life? It is always very difficult to take actions that affect other people. If it was just me, then then... easy. But it is not just me, so I decide to suffer until things get better, and then I look back, thinking that I am glad I didn't act impulsively.